final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
