dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
