You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
