a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
