sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
