I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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