hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
