He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
