jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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