dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
