well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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