adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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