You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
