Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
