I didn't shave. On purpose
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize