last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
