did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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