He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
