No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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