so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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