Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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