I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What a dumb baby whore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
