just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
