i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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