alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
