You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
