Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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