I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
