I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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