Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
