I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
