Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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