I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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