Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
