Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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