I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
