speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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