HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
