I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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