i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
