She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
