then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
