Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize