Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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