I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
