So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
