belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
