I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
