I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
