omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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