I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
