i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
