Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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