like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
