Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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