just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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