everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize