I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
