How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
