How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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