And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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