I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My vagina just recognized that song.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
