if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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