Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize