If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
a search helicopter?!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
