I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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