apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
