We're like a lot better than the average bears
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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