the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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