So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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