Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
