My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
