I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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