I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
